The Ultimate Feeling of Love

        For many of us, the ultimate feeling, the one that makes us happy and wholesome, is love. We watch endless stories of the everlasting, all-conquering love in movies, and hear lovers vow that they will remain faithful to each other till the end of time, but real life is much less romantic. The notion of selfless, unconditional love, blissful as it may sound, seems unattainable in the real world. Is it because human relationships have become so complicated? Or is it simply because it cannot exist?

        The so-called "unconditional" type of love is an idealized form of emotion, which is presented as deep and ever-lasting. The couple involved does not need to share their thoughts and needs with each other, as they magically already know what their partner needs and automatically do it to keep him/her happy. Thus, this kind of relationship seems like a well-oiled, auto-run machine, and the couple effortlessly lives happily ever after. But, really? Can relationships be that easy? Suppose, for the sake of argument, that only one of the two people involved in this relationship feels this type of selfless love. He understands his partner's needs and wants, and does everything to keep her satisfied. He never argues or asks something for himself, thus suppressing and neglecting his own needs. Do you still think that relationship is ideal? I didn't think so!

       Love is a selfish feeling by nature. It is meant to fulfill a wide range of psychological, emotional and practical needs, which can only happen through communication and mutual respect. If you want to have a balanced relationship you need to let your partner know what your wants and expectations are of him, and, at the same time, respect and acknowledge his own expectations from you. And while entering a relationship for such selfish reasons may seem unromantic or even repelling to you, you will eventually find out that admitting what you truly want from a relationship from the beginning is the best way to build a long lasting relationship.

       Another important thing to remember is that you need to constantly remind to your partner how you feel about him, not only with words, but also with actions. Don't take it for granted that he already knows it. Humans always have the need to feel desired, even when they know for a fact that their partner loves them. An occasional surprise, some affectionate words or simply doing things together can boost up a relationship and keep it going.

      As poets have often put it, love is a battlefield. It is a struggle between reason and emotion, and above all, conflicting needs and interests. But love alone is not enough for a solid and fulfilling relationship to be built on. No matter what fairy tales or movies imply, it won't last long unless you invest time and effort in it.

Love - You Can Feel It And See It

      This thing called loved is something that people are trying to understand and have tried to understand for some time. Can you see it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? I make no claim to be an expert on the subject, just someone with life experience, who reads and observes things around him.

Does this thing called love still exist in the year 2010?

       I believe it does and here is why? Couples still together for more than five or more years or still married, after 15, 25 or more declare their love and commitment to each other. What is it that has kept them together? This thing called love. They persevered, they communicate, they are there for each other and they have been through the good times and the bad. Love is demonstrated by what we do. Don't confuse this with gifts and the act of coitus. Coitus has little to do with loving and being committed to someone. Love is not something you make, it's not something you simply say, it's what you show and do on a consistent basis over time. Yes, love still exists in this century. There are still couples, together, happy and have the experience that hard times will bring. Where you make it through difficult times, together, you build trust, memories, confidence in each other and over time, they can truly say they love each other. Love is an action word. You communicate it best, when you show it. You communicate love by your actions so when you say it, it can be easily received by the object of your affection.

Love - You Can Feel It And See It.

        But, you have to recognize it when you see  it. You cant conjure it up by wearing something special. When someone truly cares for and about you they will prove it by their actions. This is not to say, love is proven when a person simply says it or buys you something. It takes time to know if the actions of a person are true. If being thoughtful, courteous, respectful, loving and kind are being faked, a person wont be able to keep this act for long. Are the feelings or actions forced? Or do the things a person naturally does (when they should know and care about you) seem to be missing? Sincerity is something you can feel when it comes from a person close to you. In the dynamics of a committed relationship, when you know a person, and you have a history, you can judge and gauge their sincerity based on your knowledge of them. Hows that? You had the opportunity to gather enough information (through experience) about them (their personality, their likes and dislikes, their dreams) during the beginning of the courting phase of the relationship. When its love, you don't have to look hard for it, you don't have to wonder of guess if they love you; you can see and feel it coming from the person who loves you.

How to Keep the Love Alive

     In every relationship, it is undeniably true that it is difficult to keep the love alive. It applies to some people, but for some, it is just a myth. Some people believe in love and that keeping it alive is never impossible. Well, this article might give you hope. Here are some of the ways to keep the love alive:

1. Give each other time -

     Togetherness strengthens every relationship. Keeping your love requires giving each other equal time. You should give each other importance by giving a balanced time between your work and your love life. If you have been so busy with work, then it is important that you compensate it with your partner. Time is the most precious gift you can offer. You should give each other little time to have small talks and share your feelings. You can also go out together and unwind. You can watch movies at the movie house or just stay at home and just hold hands like you have never done for the longest time.

2. Get rid of high expectations -

       Too much expectation can only cause disappointments and frustrations. If you want to keep the love alive, it means you should not expect anything from each other. When expectations are unfulfilled, it can ruin the relationship. Small fights can end up to big fights. It can worsen the situation. Before setting up some real expectations, it is best that you see first and determine whether the expectations are within your partner's capacity. You should know whether these expectations can be met. It should be a mutual feeling. You should also consider yourself if you can fulfill your partner's expectations as well. Choose what to expect, because sometimes, your expectations may be beyond reality and more of a fantasy already.

3. Accept one another -

       You should also take into consideration that acceptance is one of the main keys to keep the love alive. You should learn to accept each other from the very start. It is very impossible to love someone without accepting everything that he or she is. You should learn to accept each other's flaws and mistakes. Always put it in mind that nobody is perfect. You just have to accept some things that you know you cannot change. Loving equals acceptance.

How to Become the Most Romantic Boyfriend

  Does your girlfriend complain about you not being very romantic? Does she say that her friend's boyfriend is a very romantic guy? And are you sick of hearing it? Yes? Then read the following tips to become the most romantic guy and trust me, your girlfriend will shower all her love on you. Here you go-

1. Send flowers to her for no reason. Do not make it a habit else it will make no difference to her. Such spontaneous and random acts are loved by girls.

2. If your girl likes cards then make one for her, customized and full of lovey-dovey text.

3. When you walk, do not put your arm around her shoulder. Instead put it around her waist. When you hold her by waist, your bodies will touch each other and a girl will also feel safe. If you are uncomfortable in holding her by waist then you can hold her hands.

4. Women don't say but they love it when you initiate love making with a beautiful background of light music, dimmed lights, fragrance and nice, hot lingerie.

5. Girls like it when you give them small but many gifts. They are usually not so happy with one large gift. So make sure you keep gifting her every now and then.

6. Girls love surprises. Give her a surprise midnight visit by standing outside her house with flowers.

7. Play with her hair but only if she likes. Do not at any point annoy her.

8. When you stand behind her, hold her by waist. It will give her the message- You belong to me.

9. If she is comfortable, sleep with her whenever possible and cuddle her from behind. Do not just be busy in making love. Cuddling and kissing is equally important.

10. Lips are not the only place to kiss. Explore areas which are usually not kissed like stomach, chin, shoulders, neck etc.

11. When you are on a date with her, try to make as much eye contact as possible. This will increase the feelings in both of you.

12. When she looks good, say you look beautiful and not 'hot'. Girls in serious relationships do not want to be called hot.

13. Your date ideas should be out of the box. Get out of the boring movie hall or coffee shop. Plan something interesting that can also be romantic.

14. Do not forget to say "I love you" to her. Say it at least once every day but only if you do because she can very well read it in your eyes.

15. Understand and be sensitive to her needs, be it emotionally or physically. Your bond becomes stronger when you care about her needs.

16. When she is with friends, make her feel special. Praise her before them and show sweet gestures to her before everybody.

17. Make her birthday super special. Plan a party or surprise her with unique gifts.

18. When it's Valentine's Day, do not follow the cliche ideas. Make a different plan to celebrate it in style, like going out for a trip or full day make-out session.

19. Say words to make her feel that she is the most important person for you.

20. Call her and invite her to your place to get a full body massage for a kiss in return.

21. Go grab her when she is busy in the kitchen and kiss her passionately.

22. This is most important- Listen to her at all times. Even if it is none of your interest, still keep listening and she will be happy to pour out her heart to you.

23. Do not ignore her. Give her full attention even when you are in a group with your friends.

24. Hold her tightly at least once every day.

25. Make her laugh whenever you talk to her. Girls do not like serious men.

26. Remember her parents' anniversary or siblings birthday. Girls like guys who remember important dates.

27. Write Love Notes or letters to her even when you meet daily.

28. If your girl does not mind, send out your message to her on radio.

29. Do an act for her she knows you dislike or are not comfortable with. For example, if you cannot eat green chillies, do it for her once and do it before her friends.

30. Send her a romantic text message before going to sleep everyday. Girls like showing such messages to their friends

Make Her Want You - Top Tips

 Second Chance at Love

           Whether it's your fault or not, breaking up with someone you love is always a painful and frustrating experience for anyone to go through. There is no perfect relationship. Everyone commits mistakes. But everyone deserves second chances, too. If you think and you know that you screwed up in your relationship, then you're on the right track. Accepting your wrongdoings is the first step in getting her to like you again.

Do Not Hold Grudges

          If you really want to get her back, then you have to remain friends with her or at least act civilly towards her. You don't want to cut off all your ties. If you meet her at a party, try to act as normally as you can. Keep your conversations friendly and casual. Again, never bring up the past or mistakes of the past, for that matter. If you see her with a date, don't get upset. Or you'll just do some stupid things again that will risk your chance of getting her back. If you can't stand seeing her with another guy, the best thing to do is just leave.

Handle the Breakup Well

            Most guys will probably end up getting drunk every day of their life. Be the exception. Girls admire men who are mature enough to handle various situations such as a breakup. Instead of going out every night with your drinking buddies, why not think about other ways to improve yourself? You can also get a makeover if you want to. Do something to make you proud of yourself and she'll eventually see that too. In time, you'll earn her respect.

Improve Yourself

         One of the reasons why she broke up with you might be because you aren't the same man she fell in love with. If you want to get her back, you need to bring back that gentleman in you. Maybe you got used to taking her for granted or you might have evolved into a jealous and bickering boyfriend. If you know you have a problem with your behaviour and attitude then do something about it. Bring back that man that she fell madly in love with.

Falling in Love the Right Way

Love, it is such a sweet and amazing thing. It is not just a feeling, but much more than that, it is a deeper and more intense feeling that can only be described as a life. I think every one REALLY has to experience love before they die because it will really be unfair for some people not to. Unfortunately, many people think they have experienced it without knowing they have not. This is because the definition they give to love is so different from what it really is.

Love does not die off as a result of the absence of the person in view. It is not some feeling that when the person is not there, either by death or absence, it goes away. Love lasts forever. If you ever experience true love, with the fights and arguments involved, right deep within you, you still have that intense and deep affection. That is why it baffles me to hear people say "it was love at first sight".

With respect to everyone who has ever said that, I strongly and totally disagree that there is anything as love at first sight. There are different levels of feelings one must go through before actually falling in love and it is bad that some people settle at a particular level and misinterprets it as love. When you meet someone for the first time, there must be an attraction between you and the person for you to even initiate a conversation. This first stage is what some call "love at first sight" after they had maybe later fallen in love. The attraction is what makes the person you meet a potential lover. From the level of attraction, you now start to know each other, date, and along the way, fall in love. The duration of this stage can be short or long, but there are the stages.

Another major reason why people misinterpret other feelings for true love is a good sex. Some persons actually call their ability to have a good sex with their partners love. I do not believe that is love because true love is not only dependent on the sex part. Sex is not in any way love. They are so different because most men can have sex with just about anybody without even liking them.

Men's Sensitivities and Love Pain

In a recent paper published last month ("Non Marital Romantic Relationships and Mental Health in Early Adulthood: Does the Association Differ for Women and Men?" The journal of Health and Social Behavior, June 2010) the authors found that when a romantic relationship ends, young men suffer more emotional distress than women. Previous studies of how men and women past young adulthood are emotionally affected by pains in love indicated both sexes being similarly affected.

So, why the differences between young men and older men?

As a psychotherapist that has worked for over thirty years with men and women as well as couples, dealing with the ups and downs of love and the tumultuous and often unexpected endings of love relationships, I am not at all surprised to hear that men suffer a great deal when love relationships don't work out for them. In fact, it is my experience that men suffer more than women AT ALL AGES, NOT ONLY IN YOUNG ADULTHOOD when a love relationship breaks up.

All studies on the effects and benefits of marriage on men and women indicate that men fare much better - they are healthier, live longer, are happier - when they are in good love relationships versus being alone, the benefits greatly outweighing the liabilities. For women, on the other hand, there does not seem to be a striking difference whether they are with someone they love or are alone. Men tend to rely on women not only for emotional needs, but also for social and recreational activities, and for staying connected to the family and the community at large. When relationships end, there are multiple losses for men to cope with. As women, on the other hand, become less and less dependent on men for financial support, they tend to be more independent and able to maintain different sources of support, connection and emotional outlets.

Historically, popular belief claimed women to suffer more than men when romantic relationships went awry. However, this belief had to do more with cultural stereotypes than gender. It had to do with what it meant to be a man or a woman in a culture where emotions and women were devalued and women were mostly seen as "weak" and "emotional," the two terms being used almost synonymously. Men did not express their emotions; hence were thought to be stronger and more resilient than women

The difference between younger men and older men, in my clinical experience, is a reflection of the way these two groups of men deal and express their emotions, not of age-specific issues. This difference has to do with how culture is evolving - some call this process the "feminization" of our culture - toward valuing emotions and supporting healthy acknowledgment and expression of them.

Typically older men, who reflect the culture in which they grew up, continue to hold on to a male image of stoicism and toughness. In this image there isn't much room for feelings. Older men tend to be uncomfortable with them, because they don't know how to express and communicate them. They tend to minimize, repress and avoid emotions as their main means of coping with them. They tend to act them out using booze, over investing in work, or getting involved with other women.

They typically may not seek therapy, but when they do they are often surprised and uncomfortable with their tears, apologetic abut their emotional struggles, and confused by the intensity of their feelings. They tend to be judgmental of their ways of dealing with the loss of love, and struggle with their emotions, at times being ashamed of them.

Younger men, on the other hand, have to deal less and less with some of these stereotypical restrictions historically associated with manhood. They are more comfortable with their feelings and acknowledge and express them more openly. They have grown up in a more gender-equal universe, surrounded by strong female figures whose roles in the family often equaled or surpassed men's. Hence they are more emotionally expressive and open to acknowledge the value of emotional relationships in their lives. Let's welcome these cultural changes, as they are kinder to men and more beneficial to the development and longevity of healthy love relationships.